Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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