just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
