I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
that is very illegal...i love you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
