too bad you live with your parents still
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
