I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
