There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
