Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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