i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
