have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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