have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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