2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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