I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
