I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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