He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
