I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's shark week go big or go home
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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