I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
