I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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