I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
