that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
