Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
