I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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