This is not my ceiling
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
