They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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