Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
