the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
