I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I believe in your delicious
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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