Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
