That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
