Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
