trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
