I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
