end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
