You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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