If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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