thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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