Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize