So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
