Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
