I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
