I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
