she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
