walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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