There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
