I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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