u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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