living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
