Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
