ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
