Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
