omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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