i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
